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Identity Crisis

Writer's picture: Ashley NsimbiAshley Nsimbi


Hello all,


I hope you are well.


This blogpost is inspired by some questions that I saw today, whilst at work (I work in a primary school).


When I went into the classroom this morning, written on the board were these three questions:


Who are you? What makes you, you? What is our purpose as human beings, in this world?

These questions caught my attention. They got me in a pensive mood, hence me writing down my thoughts today.


The first question struck a chord with me, as I had a conversation with a close friend this week, about how my perception of myself is evolving.


During my teenage years, I got to the point where I disliked the person I was. I felt like I was becoming my worst enemy. For example, when I was a lot younger, I loathed fake, two-faced people. Then later on in my teenage years, I acted like I was meek and kind, but it was a facade. I was as fake as the people I once detested.


However, when I discovered Jesus' love for me, through a series of intense events, this new discovery changed everything! I stopped attempting to be a good person in my own strength. Instead, I allowed God to work in me "to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose" - Philippians 2:13 NIV.


Now, I view myself as a sinner saved by the grace of God, through faith. I am loved. I am blessed. I am a child of God.

I wasn't surprised anymore when I messed up. Whenever I struggled to do what's right, I went straight to God and asked Him for help. Over time, I realised that the things I used to struggle with, I struggled with no more.


Although I experienced this transformation when Jesus came into my life, I still had to come to terms with accepting my past. This was the most difficult thing to do. It was the hardest thing to forgive myself for the mistakes I had made, knowingly and unknowingly. For a long time, I felt guilty for past circumstances and battled daily with various negative thoughts.


I lacked faith in God's promises such as, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" - John 8:36 NIV, and "He will again have compassion on us, And will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea" - Micah 7:19 NKJV.


Over time, I realised that in order to accept God's love and His plans for my future, I had to address my past and let God throw it into the depths of the sea. This didn't mean that I forgot or disowned all my past experiences. It meant that the past no longer had power over me to dictate how I would respond to future experiences. For example, the person I was before wasn't going to stop me from becoming the person who God intended me to be.

Letting go of my past was a prerequisite for true peace.

So, I started talking about my past with people I trusted. It was painful at first; but it became easier over time. Due to praying to God and talking therapies, the mental and spiritual scars began to heal. I started to realise that I am only human. I was immature. I didn't understand who God really was. However, God still loved and worked everything together for my good.


This brings me back to the original question - Who are you? Even if you think you are the most abominable sinner, that doesn't matter, because there is a God who can give you a completely new identity in Jesus.


I pray that you chose Jesus Christ today and allow Him to be the King of your life.











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