Life update: Lack of fulfilment

Here is an update of my life.

First of all, I am no longer at university. I decided that the best decision is for me to leave university and look at alternative courses. It was a decision that came about after lots of counsel and prayer. I still battle with the decision and thoughts come into my mind whether I made the right decision. I rationalise it by thinking it was a crazy decision, therefore it must have been sent from God!

Other than that, I have been trying to have a set routine for my days, starting with devotional time, then reading about mental health and trying to become more knowledgable on that area. Apart from mental health, I am also trying to get back into the routine of practicing my piano. So things seem to be taking a turn for the best. It’s not like I’m at home, twiddling my thumbs, having no idea what to do with my spare time.

Time alone does allow you to have time to reflect on your life. I have come to the conclusion that I am not at the stage where I am completely content with my life. And I think the reason why is because I don’t feel like I am giving back to my community and helping others in a way that is effective.

When you’re ill it always seems to be about “me, me, me!” and that can eventually become depressing when you are constantly looking to yourself. As a Christian, I believe that you are supposed to let go of yourself and let Christ live in you. But it’s easy saying it but something else, putting it into practice.

What I’m trying to say is that I am struggling to find a way to positively influence the lives of the people around me.

Maybe it’s simply due to my thought patterns. At this moment in my life, I’m so busy trying to figure out what went wrong with my life and sometimes I have self-pity because of my current circumstances but what would it be like if I spent the same amount of time thinking about others and their circumstances and how to make their lives easier for them?

Maybe, just maybe, that would make it easier to make a difference in the lives of others.

I know that this blog isn’t very uplifting but I hope that there is at least something in my thought pattern that resonates with you and makes you want to do more for the people around you.

Stay blessed and I’ll try keep you updated with how things are going.

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